Self-medicating: It's the pirate way!

If you're anything like Captain Jack, then you've got plenty of experience with the wonder drug known as penicillin, or its modern cousin, amoxicillin.  How that experience was gained is not the issue (nor will it ever be -- what happens in the Caribbean stays in the Caribbean, am I right, mateys?!)  Our topic tonight is the practical application of that knowledge, for the triple purposes of helpin' your loyal crew, savin' your doubloons, and stickin' it to The Man... noble goals, all of them!

You see, Mad Bess and myself sail with a motley but lovable band of misfits... Maine Coons, Siameses, tabbies, torties, Russian Blues, and every kind of halfbreed you can think of... they're a good and faithful crew, and Captain Jack would gladly walk the plank or stand the drop of York for any man-jack of them, no messin'.  Occasionally though, even the best of them falls ill to ailments such as upper respiratory infections, toothaches, and what have you -- piratin' is a stressful business, you see!  And these landlubber veterinarians want a hook-hand, a peg-leg, and a glass eye in exchange for a prescription for antibiotics... the lily-livered shysters.  Well, as Mad Bess would say in her native Yorkshire tongue, "Sod that for a game of soldiers!"

What's to be done, you may ask?  Two words, mateys:  "FishMox" and "gelcaps."  FishMox is merely amoxicillin for fishies... you can buy it online without a prescription, and one capsule provides four cat doses.  "But how do I split it into four cat doses, Captain Jack?"  Simple.  Either go to Amazon or your local health food store and buy a bag of size-0 gelcaps, and divide a FishMox capsule equally into four gelcaps (don't feed your crewmate the original FishMox capsule... it will, ahem, pass right through him/her without dissolving... don't ask Captain Jack how he knows this...)  This method also allows you to add any other medication your fellow sailor may need, all in one convenient beef-flavoured gelcap... with no $55 "office visit" fee to deplete your rum fund!  You're welcome!!!