Forenoon Watch commander Mister Tabbles: "Captain! There's a tropical storm on the horizon! Pirate radio says she's called Beryl, sir!"
Captain Jack: "Meh. Wake me when she's a cat-3 hurricane and not before, mister! Now, back to your post and let me get some shuteye!"
Aye mateys, we weathered a tropical storm, and Mad Bess and myself slept right through it. Not only that, but it turns out there was another storm called Alberto about ten days ago that was so unimpressive that we hadn't even heard about it at all. Hurricane season doesn't officially get underway until Friday, but it seems our friend Poseidon has chosen to get an early start this year! So be it, Mr. P... let the games begin!
Mad Bess and myself watched 28 Weeks Later tonight, for I suppose the 4th or 5th time... after being thoroughly baffled by Inception last night, your Captain wanted a film that any simpleton could fathom out, and shiver me timbers, this one delivers! Sudden terrifying attacks by "the infected" (speedy zombies, for all intents and purposes), narrow escapes, ironic twists, dismembered body parts flying hither and thither, machine guns, sniper rifles, firebombs, flame throwers, poison gas, a car chase, creative uses of helicopter blades, and a depressing surprise ending... in short, most everything a modern pirate captain looks for in a movie! Robert Carlyle and Rose Byrne are in it too, so... five stars out of five!
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| Dad? |
Mad Bess and myself watched Inception for the second time this evening. Bess said that she "totally got it this time" unlike the first time... as for your Captain though... that whooshing sound you just heard was the sound of it going completely over his head yet again. Maybe one day... :(
Yet another day rich with famous folks' birthdays! Christopher Lee is 90, Vincent Price would be 101, Louis Gossett Jr. is 76, war criminal Henry Kissinger is 89, mystery author Dashiell Hammett would be 118, sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison is 78, wild-west lawman Wild Bill Hickok would be 175, dancer Isadora Duncan would be 135, and golf legend "Slammin' Sammy" Snead would be 100 (and you know for sure that Captain Jack's golfing in-laws back in dear old Blighty will be celebrating in fine style!) But seriously, wouldn't it be awesome to be invited to a WIZARD'S birthday party??? Captain Jack says, "Arrrrr!!"
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| And many mooooorrrrre! |
John Wayne would be 105 today... Miles Davis would be 86... Jay "Tonto" Silverheels would be 100... James Arness would be 89... Peggy Lee would be 92... Peter Cushing would be 99... Robert Morley would be 104... Al Jolson would be 126... Frankie Manning (the Lindy Hop guy) would be 98... Sally Ride (America's first female astronaut) is 61... Pam Grier is 63 (seriously???)... Stevie Nicks is 64 (seriously???)... Helena Bonham Carter is 46... Hank Williams Jr. is 63... Lenny Kravitz is 48... is May 26 some kind of probability nexus or something? What a strange universe we live in! Any road up, Captain Jack wishes happy birthday to all!
If you're anything like me, then you know there's no better feeling than stickin' it to The Man, am I right, mateys? Today for instance Mad Bess and your Captain went to the doctor; the woman behind the counter said, "That'll be a $20 copay for Bess, and another $20 for you, Captain Jack." So I says, says I, "I believe there will be no charge for me, seeing as how it's my annual pirate physical, which my pirate insurance policy clearly states I am entitled to without one doubloon of cost. What say you now, wench?" Suffice to say, your Captain had his physical and left the office with his doubloons still secure in his pocket (and the scurvy dog of a doctor even complimented him on his healthy blood pressure as well!) You have to get up pretty early in the afternoon to pull the wool over Captain Jack's good eye, me hearties!
Mad Bess once got to sit on Jimmy Doohan's knee at a Star Trek convention; t'was one of the highlights of her life. Today we read that 'Scotty' had finally made it into space. I'd like to think that as the rocket clawed for altitude a muffled voice rang out from the urn, "Captain! She canna take much more!"
http://mashable.com/2012/05/22/spacex-dragon-scotty/
Anyone in possession of that much gold must surely be a pirate at heart! Captain Jack pities the fool who doesn't wish you a happy sixtieth, matey!
5.2? Five point two??? That's all the International Movie Database gave The Thaw??? The lily-livered blackguards! Mad Bess and myself enjoyed the blue blazes out of that film this evening... me hearties, if you want a movie that's got thrills, chills, paranoia, horrible bugs burrowing into people's flesh, a goateed and not quite so bloated-looking Val Kilmer, a desperately desolate setting, and the looming threat of an apocalyptic pandemic, then look no further! 5.2??? You disappoint me, IMDB!
Ah, the night every pirate looks forward to each week: Movie night! Mad Bess and myself enjoyed The Rocker this evening (for the third or fourth time)... even after a hard day's pillaging and plundering, your Captain actually managed to stay awake through the entire film thanks to all the laughs and the great music... and the star of the film is Dwight from "The Office" so that's an added incentive to see it if you've not already done so for whatever reason!
There seems to be a common rumour amongst the landlubbers that we pirates are for some reason clumsily poking our eyes out at a ratio higher than that of the general population, requiring eye patches to hide our disfigurement from the ladies when we're ashore (or certain gentlemen if that be what buoys yer vessel... the Captain doesn't judge.) It's as if they think we spend all our recreational hours at sea drinking copious amounts of rum and then running around recklessly with scissors. Which we totally don't... well, not ALL the time at any rate, but that's not the point. The point is, anyone who knows anything about pirating knows that you keep one eye covered so that when you board your enemy's ship in broad daylight and then go below decks to seek out their gold doubloons and delicious baked goods, you just flip your eye patch to the other eye, and boom! You've got an eye already accustomed to the darkness, so the scurvy dogs can't blindside ya! [citation needed] Pure pirate genius, yarrrr? And, well, you have to admit it DOES look pretty badass...!
Richard Phillips Feynman, 5/11/18 - 2/15/88, was one of the three smartest guys of the 20th century, along with Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking. And of those three, he's the one your Captain would most like to split a bottle of rum with. You can see him (and his bongo drums) in "We Are All Connected" which is in the list of links, over to the right. Shine on, you crazy diamond... Mad Bess and the Captain send our love!
Mad Bess and myself watched 28 Days Later tonight for the 4th or 5th time... gah... if there's anything worse than regular zombies, it's speedy zombies (and I keep willing Brendan Gleeson not to rile up that damn crow, but he always does... what an idiot.)
Arrrr, mateys! T'was the eighth of May, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety-eight, that Mad Bess and Captain Jack first clapped eyes upon each other, at a rat-infested, plague-ridden port of call known as Sanford Airport (you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy) and after a voyage of a thousand leagues across the stormy north Atlantic, what was the first thing Bess did when she made landfall? She mocked your Captain's fine straw hat, festive tropical shirt, and fashionable short trousers! And the rest, as they say, is history!
Mad Bess, the more discerning cats, and your Captain watched a surprisingly good movie tonight called We Bought A Zoo. It has him from the Bourne films, her from The Prestige, him from Wristcutters, and him what plays an elf in Fred Claus who is also one of the gay guys in Best of Show (and if you have not seen that movie, then shame on you!)... he's one of these actors where you see him and you go, "Hey! It's that guy! From that movie! It's... it's that guy!!" I still don't know his name.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1389137/
That being said, We Bought A Zoo made us laugh, cry, squeeze each other's hands, care about most of the characters, and come away from it all agreeing, "Yep, that's a keeper." Plus it had a lovely grizzly bear who looked just like our Cato, a beautiful tiger who looked exactly like our G-Dawg, and a very cute Capuchin monkey who wore clothes just like he was people (which automatically adds ten points to any movie, of course.) This, along with a white pizza from Country Pizza Inn, added up to a winning combination, heartily recommended by your feebleminded Captain Jack!
Back in 2001, we picked up a mangy flea-bitten heartworm-ridden chow-chow mix who was trotting down a nearby street dragging 6 feet of telephone cable behind him. No one ever claimed him, so we kept him, successfully treated his heartworm, and called him Cato. A year ago today we found Cato on his "Coolaroo" hammock-bed, having apparently passed away peacefully in his sleep. He's buried in the garden next to his best friend Barry. Got a candle burning for him now on the desk next to me. Miss you, you big lovely dumbass...
When your Captain were just a wee lad of eleven, he and his kid sister went door to door collecting signatures for a petition to stop the Canadian seal hunt. That were a score and seventeen years past, and yet the slaughter goes on. If you mateys want to help stop this abomination, then set sail for http://www.ifaw.org/us/our-work/savingseals to learn more about what you can do. In the meantime, this picture is what Captain Jack dreams of happening one day... I always knew we could count on the polar bears!
