Happy Birthday to First Mate Mad Bess!

And what better way to celebrate a true pirate's birthday than raiding a thrift shop, an Indian restaurant, AND a liquor store, all in one crazy evening?  Our first victim was Last Chance, whence we came away with posh raiments, tasteful fake candles, a fancy jewelry box, smart picture frame mattes, a pair of dancing shoes, a pair of monkey slippers (i.e. slippers that make it look like you're wearing real monkeys on your feet), a genuine Turbo Cooker ("As seen on TV!") and a couple of cat food bowls.  Oh, and a bath mat set.  All at half price thanks to the coupon that Bess clipped from the local paper... sweet!

On our way home to Feral Cove we pillaged some delicious food from Bawarchi Indian restaurant, and then set our sights on B-21 Wines and Liquors where we scored some bargain-priced beverages... not a bad birthday for a pirate, eh, Bess?  :)

Happy Birthday, Snooty!

Today is the 64th birthday of Snooty, the world's oldest known manatee... as a fellow Florida native and seagoing creature, Captain Jack wishes Snooty all the best!  Interestingly, today's scientists blame the mermaid sightings of yesteryear on drunk pirates (Drunk?!! Well I never!!!) mistaking manatees like Snooty for Darryl Hannah... Captain Jack is no scientist, so he will leave it up to you, me hearties, to debate the validity of that theory.

Separated at birth?

Kitty Wells

Captain Jack has a day off work tomorrow so he was staying up listening to a Status Quo CD, as is his wont.  But then "Wild Side of Life" came on, and he recalled that Kitty Wells (who originally recorded the song in 1952 as "It Wasn't God Who Made Honkytonk Angels") died on Monday at the age of 92. Another legend gone... very sad.

How not to sound like a landlubber

It has come to Captain Jack's attention that some of you may not be familiar with the proper pronunciation of certain nautical/pirate terms.  With "Talk Like a Pirate Day" fast approaching (September 19) I'll periodically be posting helpful hints and tips, starting today...

Boatswain:  Pronounced "Bosun" (NOT "boat-swayn"), i.e. the fellow in charge of assigning day to day tasks to the crew and seeing that they accomplish them, or else!

Forecastle:  Pronounced "Foxl" (NOT "fawr-cassull"), i.e. the part of the ship forward of the foremast, typically used for crews' quarters.

Coxswain:  Pronounced "Coxn" (NOT "cock-swayn"), i.e. the fellow in charge of any small boat the Captain chooses to send off on an "away team" mission.

And don't even get Captain Jack started on folk who say "lee-wurrd" instead of "luw'rd" when they're talking about the opposite of windward...!

Happy Birthday, Nikola!

July 10th is the 156th birthday of Captain Jack's favourite inventor and engineer, Nikola Tesla, a.k.a. the Master of Lightning.  Described by his fans on cracked.com as, "Celibate, yet surprisingly doable," Mr. Tesla (an ethnic Serb from Croatia) pretty much invented or at least laid the groundwork for most of the things that make life awesome today:  An efficient means of generating alternating current and transmitting it over long distances (suck it, Edison!), the first real wireless radio (suck it, Marconi!), x-ray machines (suck it, Roentgen!), fluorescent lighting, neon lighting, robotics, remote controls, an efficient telephone signal repeater system, the basis for logic gates and radar, and pioneering work into the wireless transmission of electricity that is still being explored to this day (the US government confiscated all his personal files when he died and none of them have been seen since, which makes it a bit difficult for those trying to follow in his footsteps) and 700-odd other patents.  Thanks to corporate coverups and intrigue (I'm looking at you, Thomas Alva Edison!) he's only just recently getting the recognition he deserves for his contributions to science; several young supermarket cashiers have in the past few months assured me that the schools are indeed FINALLY teaching kids about Tesla... nearly 70 years after his death!  Better late than never, I guess.  Not only that, but during his childhood his best friend was his cat Macak (they even had actual adventures, like Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn!) and he was a fellow vegetarian and bird lover just like Captain Jack... in fact, when he died, his beloved pigeons were the only ones at his bedside.  We love you, Nik!  Happy 156th!

"Hey, baby.  Wanna check out my death ray machine?"

The wonderful world of international cuisine

For our tea tonight Mad Bess and myself had chips (or "French Fries" as we called them in my day) with Batchelors Mushy Peas.  Tinned mushy peas are a staple food group in Bess' native Yorkshire, and are yet another wondrous cultural thing that she opened your Captain's eyes (and taste buds) to, over the course of our relationship.  And if you're fortunate enough to live in the American southeast, you can easily find them on the "British shelf" at Publix.  Don't let the fluorescent blue-green colouring put you off, me hearties... just open the tin, nuke 'em, throw on a little mint sauce, and enjoy... it's a unique culinary experience!  Batchelors... ask for 'em by name!

"Luxury!"

The most kick-arse tribute to anyone in the history of ever

A few weeks ago Captain Jack lamented the passing of Eduard "Mr. Trololo" Khil, the so-called Perry Como of the Soviet Union.  Well, the amazing Trololo Man's spirit lives on in this mind-blowing heavy metal tribute by guitar shredder Eric Calderone... enjoy, mateys!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CFnM4SYQC8&feature=relmfu

Happy Fourth of July, Mateys!

Ah, the day we Americans celebrate overthrowing the government!  Now that be Captain Jack's kind of holiday!



Meet the crew!

Name:  Baby Sidney, a.k.a. "Hissing Sid"

Rank:  Boatswain

Ethnicity:  Seal-point Siamese

Ladies and gents, this is the man who keeps Captain Jack's crew focused on their day to day duties.  He's a level-headed and fair-minded chap, but look into his eyes... you don't want to cross him, do you?  No... you don't!  Captain Jack runs a tight ship, and it's in no small part thanks to Baby Sidney and his "people skills"...!  Step out of line and you'll get a bat round yer lug 'ole!

Baby Sidney appeared on our doorstep here at Feral Cove some years ago, as nothing more than a tiny wee bairn, and a sickly one at that.  Mad Bess and myself took him in, bottle-fed him, and he grew up big and strong... though he had a tendency to hiss at folk, which is why Bess called him "Hissing Sid" after a television character (a puppet snake, I believe) from her childhood. 

When our old boatswain and dear friend, Mister Snoopy Noodles, was on his final bed o'fliction at the age of seventeen, Bess asked me who I thought would take over for him.  I answered without hesitation that it would be Sidney.  At the time, she thought me mad!  "But he's only a baby," she exclaimed!  I however had observed Mister Noodles spending time with Baby Sidney, accepting him into his "personal space" and bonding with him... maybe it's a "guy thing," but Captain Jack had no doubt whatsoever who his next boatswain would be.

Mister Noodles left you some damn big gumboots to fill, Baby Sidney, but Captain Jack says you not only stepped up to the plate, but hit that sucker out of the park... you're a good man, my friend!